Climbing back up... to stand on the Truth

I've seen it.
I've done it.
I'm not going to do it anymore.

Diabetes superstitions.

'Oh, don't say you're at a good number, don't say things are going well! '
(because you'll make things turn bad if you do!)

I've done that.
 In fact, as I started the new year- I thought, should I even ask for a better year??
Will I just be asking for trouble??
 I mean, at the end of 2010 (our dxd year) I said- 'surely 2011 will be a better year!'

and, honestly, it hasn't been a great year. Pretty much a stinky year.
God has carried us through, of course, and He is ever Faithful to be here with us, comforting and just being... you know.

But it wasn't fun.

So, I prayed with trepidation... Lord, could this year be better? Can we rest from bad things?

I'm not proud of this: my trepidation.
 I'm just being honest.

Because you know what that is? My trembling prayer?

It is superstition.
 Thinking bad things will happen because I am hoping for good things.
Thinking bad things will happen if I don't knock on wood.
OK- I don't really knock on wood, but is it really that different?

It got me thinking about all of the things we think will happen by what we say/do with diabetes-
we don't want to 'jinx it'... believing in superstition.

I did the same thing when my kids were babies and they didn't sleep.

I was desperate!
And desperation drove me to superstition.

Oh sure, it seemed harmless, it's half in jest... of course.

Superstition defined by dictionary.com:
noun

1.

a belief or notion, not based on reason or knowledge, in or of the ominous significance of a particular thing,circumstance, occurrence, proceeding, or the like.

2.

a system or collection of such beliefs.

3.

a custom or act based on such a belief.

4.

irrational fear of what is unknown or mysterious, especiallyin connection with religion.

5.

any blindly accepted belief or notion.

It is based on fear and not on truth. 

And yet, I KNOW the truth.

It is not true that God is 'out to get me' with bad things happening this coming year.

And what brought this all to the front?

Yesterday I spent the day in the emergency room with Kate (my non-D 13 year old.)

Saturday night she had shown me her knees - they were blue, purple and green bruised and very swollen. She said she is SURE she did not fall and hurt herself. Her legs hurt.

I didn't believe her. I figured she'd fallen and didn't remember.

Sunday night (January 1st! )- she showed me her legs again. Now she had green bruises all over. Ankle, shin, upper thigh. Her whole right leg hurt and looked green. 

Now I was concerned. But, it was 10:30 PM. 

We went to bed and... guess what I thought about?

'Why did I pray that stupid prayer? Why did I ask for good things?'

I prayed for Kate too, but that thought kept coming back to my head.

So, Monday morning- still all bruised up, I called the Dr. No answer, not even the 'call' line. Everyone is taking the day off.

So, off to the emergency room. 

I never, ever go to the emergency room.

In fact, this is my very first time in 20 years of parenting of going to the emergency room without a doctor telling me I MUST go. (See diagnosis story)

But I had looked up 'unexplained bruises' on the internet that morning and it said bad things and it said 'see a doctor immediately.'

So, we went and, of course, we waited. 

And while we waited to hear if she had leukemia or lymphoma or a number of other blood diseases... I apologized to the Lord. 

Really, I did.

How stupid of me to believe in superstitions when I KNOW the TRUTH.

God does not 'get me' with bad things when I ask for good!

He was right there, holding me up so patiently as usual.

He sustains me. He fills me with HOPE.

I didn't know yet what would happen to Kate,

but I knew, I really did, that God would carry us through and that God is GOOD.

The same is true with diabetes.

It is not fun.

It is hard.

But I don't need to fear or despair because I know the TRUTH

I read this this morning:

Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed

Because His compassions fail not,

They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I hope in Him.

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,

To the soul who seeks Him.

read that again- The Lord is GOOD 

It is good that one should HOPE and WAIT quietly

For the salvation of the Lord. 

Lamentations 3: 22, 25-26

It is really true! 

Even when everything is just not working- the numbers are too high for days or too low for days, or we come up with a plan and the plan fails... or we fail.... or we see our child struggling with the weight of it all.... even then- 

God is GOOD. 

His mercies are new every morning.

I will not fear or worry.

Instead, I will HOPE.

I will hope in My God who has and does and will provide everything I need.

I will hope in all that HE will work in me and my child through this illness.

Character transformed- self control, self discipline, faithfulness, compassion- so much GOOD can come from it all! 

I will speak and think and do not from irrational fear (superstition) but from TRUTH.

Kate is going to be OK. It was none of the scary things- no leukemia or lymphoma, not a blood clot. We don't know yet what is going on... back to the regular doctor... 

but I know 2012 will be another year where God shows Himself to me in Mighty Ways 

and I will keep asking Him to glorify Himself through me

no matter where I end up